If the truth be known .

And make no mistake about it . horses have a wonderfully developed sense of humor. They love to see a new set of suspenders. Red, blue, thick or thin, they all are meant to be tested for "snappability." Oh yes, nothing like waiting until the farrier has a foot in his lap, a mouthful of nails, and a shoe one-nailed on, before old Dobbin ever-so-gently, using those big soft lips they all come with, lifts them off your back, stretching them out to their maximum length before taking a thoughtful pause. Now comes the fun part. To the admiring gasp of the amazed onlookers, I mean who would have thought they would stretch out that far, and as the farrier realizes the only prayer he can remember deals with the "valley of death," you hear the horse sniggering. It is usually a toss-up between those that like to hear the snap-whap and the horses who enjoy extending the moment with an ever-so-slow gentle return. Either way, you know they both get a kick out of seeing the farrier's legs quiver on the walk back to the truck.

If it isn't the suspenders, it's the hat. Nothing like a good bit of horse drool to improve the fit of one's headgear. Plus, they do have an affinity for adjusting the crown in such a manner that it wears equally well frontward, backwards or inside out and sideways.

And for all those folks who think a horse doesn't know where his feet are, that he accidentally stepped on your toes, that he really didn't mean it. Well, this is the same rascal who follows you across a stream stepping on the same rocks you do just so his feet don't get wet. This with a horse who was too "clumsy for words." Right! Then comes the day the horse just cannot seem to pick up his hind hoof and hold it above the ground more than a few inches. While the farrier and owner try to figure out what could have happened to cause this restriction in a very flexible horse, Mr. Ed has a senior moment and uses this same hoof to scratch his ear. A miracle cure if there ever was one.

Farriers have a unique talent that lets them instantly draw their toes back into their work boots almost to the heel. This allows them to hold a calm, low-key, rational discussion with the horse who is flattening out the front half of a two hundred dollar pair of genuine custom made boots. Sometimes this dialog is conducted in English and French, so don't worry if you are unfamiliar with some of the words. Rest assured the horse and farrier do.

Even worse than having the horse forget who you are during the course of a trimming, is having the horse go to sleep in the middle of a job. About the time you are congratulating yourself on how the horse must trust you so much to be this relaxed, he wakes up and confuses you with a mountain lion about to gnaw on his favorite foot. Granted, he eventually will come back and watch over you until things come back into focus and your adrenalin flow returns to the pulse jumping, eye-twitching level.

This is the same horse who will pick all the tools out of a toolbox and scatter them around the work area to help speed things along. I try not to discourage this behavior because I like to think that maybe he really is trying to help. Also, if he ever pulls this trick on a farrier who has used a rasp or tool on a horse in anger, can you imagine what that idiot is going to think when he sees the horse has grabbed a rasp and is about to do a little disciplining of his own. This is similar to the confusion that occurs every hunting season between the clean cut, "Right to Bear Arms" folks and the hairy bunch on the other side of the tree advocating the "Right to Arm Bears."

In lieu of clothing parts, a horse will just naturally gravitate to any body parts within reach. The quick lick to the back of the neck is always good for a chuckle and if the horse smacks his lips in the process, all the better. After all, the idea is to make sure the farrier is paying the proper attention to his work ... and to be sure his adrenaline flows remain at a constant level of flux. If by chance the farrier turns his head to admonish the horse holder or the horse himself, there is the opportunity for a full-face wash followed up with an ear nuzzle for good measure. Another favorite tug-along is the belt on the farrier's apron. If you've ever seen a horse assist a farrier into a full frontal face plant using this method, you'll know why it is a favorite of horses everywhere.

A particularly interesting quirk of horses is their affinity for the paint and/or parts of the farrier's truck. They do not seem to be partial to any one make or model and the color neither encourages nor discourages them from this attention. Evidently, they all pretty much taste the same (good!) no matter what the color scheme. The windshield wipers and side mirrors seem to offend the average horse's sensibilities to the point they have to be removed. The same goes for the radio antenna, although you have to be careful with this item because if it does not break off cleanly, and whipsaws back and forth, the horse may feel the need to retaliate with a few well-placed kicks that require additional explaining to the insurance company.

I make it a point to speak with the same agent every time I have to call for replacement parts. We've reached an agreement that if I lose one more antenna, I'll be humming for musical entertainment. This is after our initial conversation where when I said I was a farrier, she wanted to know what part of the boat I worked on. One of the more interesting conversations we had concerned a dent in the rear quarter panel that came about because I would not hit a large Ram in the head with my anvil hammer as the lady rancher on the fence suggested. I guess he took my reluctance as a sign of weakness and wanted to show me how it was done. The turkey scratches on the hood had to be documented with a picture of a horse in the background before that story flew.

I'm a firm believer in the food for good behavior reward program. I try to keep a full supply of horse treats on hand in case they are needed to smooth things over. I know some farriers don't believe in the horse doing anything but paying attention to them while the work is being done, but I on the other hand, want the horse to be as comfortable as possible while also paying attention to me. Some horses just need to be doing something in order to remain calm. I've known horses that licked their owner's hand the entire time I was there and others that had to have someone talk to them or else they became all fidgety and unhappy. One horse's owner finally said she'd run out of things to say to her horse, so I took a newspaper from my truck and thereafter, whenever I worked on her horse, we all got to hear the days news read out loud.

Regarding the horse treats on the market. I understand the apple, carrot and alfalfa flavors, but raspberry? Since when did horses start picking raspberries? I was given a couple bags of raspberry flavored alfalfa treats by a manufacturer's rep to try on my rounds. Well, they really made the truck smell good and to be honest, they didn't taste all that bad, but the vast majority of the horses were not impressed.

None of my ranch horses cared much for the raspberry treats, but for the most part, they would eat anything else. They were also some of the most laid back horses to work on. One of my favorites was an old boy who always ended up last because he was the easiest horse to do by virtue of his perfect feet. The only problem was that he'd get tired of standing around waiting and would wander over to the tall grass by the fence and lie down and take a nap. He was getting a bit hard of hearing and there I'd be, on my knees next to him in the grass trying to wake him up and convince him it was his turn.

Yes, being a farrier is hard work, but the upside is you get to meet some really nice horses and people who enjoy being in their company.

Buz Riley - 2004 ©

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